A new poem

I wrote this poem today after church. It is about life before and then after an encounter with God as He spoke through the "bushes" of my choices. I have not lived the last stanze, but am trusting God for it. I am actually in the stanza that is in the bold font.

Throughout this life, across this span;
I journey through the life of a sinful man.
My hope is all gone; I need a God with a plan.
Who will give me His strength by the cross where He ran.

All around me is heartache, depression and pain
I sang songs of victory, but never believed what I sang.

I lived a life with blinders, dark as can be;
No ability to remove them – no hope to see.
But deep in my heart a message spoke out to me.
Offering the power of hope if I would only would stop to see.

Dimming images of heartache, depression and pain
Singing louder songs of victory, hoping it is true what I sang.

I have journeyed the mountains and rocky places on high
My life growing weaker, a stronger desire to die.
Shame brought me low, a life of truth turned into a lie.
Still that message of hope grew the more I would cry.

Fewer images of heartache, depression and pain
Continuing to sing songs of victory, holding onto to what others lived as they sang.

I see a bush on fire, burning bright and free
ignited by the Spirit with a message for me.
“I am that I am; what you need I will be!”
I offered excuses, fear tried to make me flee;

Now no images of heartache, depression or pain.
I am embracing the victory found in the songs that I sang.

Crucifixion Poem from February

This is a poem I wrote in mid February 2008.

Is this the pain of crucifixion that I feel ?
It hurts so much – it has to be real.
Fighting on the cross, the wood tears in my arms,
Is self so bad, did it do this much harm?
I cry so hard and fight to be free-
“I will be better – I promise to be!!”

I can see the scene as plain as can be
My Father, the Spirit, my Savior and me.
Standing by the Father I look down on the beams,
The sands of my life are not as they seem.
All were facades, ghostly images of sin,
The lives I destroyed; the places I’ve been;
The souls that I hurt, the damages done,
Though sin seemed it once, it no longer feels fun.
My “self” crying in agony – begging for grace,
My Father turning to me with hope on His face.

He spoke to me as I watched Him through tears
“This has been coming, building for years,
I feel your pain – I understand your fears.
Be easy my son – this is my grace:
Have faith in me - my love brought you to this place.
Forgiveness of sin you have felt this cross bring,
Still this cross is meant to do yet another thing.
The sin you enjoy, the death that it brings
Can only be ended when Self dies on this thing.
Fix your eyes upon me – please do not look away
I promise you son – This is your resurrection day.”

Perfect body, deep blood

Last Sunday CrossPointe celebrated communion. As I took the wafer that represents the body of our Lord and Savior, and the cup of juice that represents His blood my mind went back to the days when as a deacon at FBC I would pass out the wafers and return to the front where I would get one from the plate. As Bill would speak and read the appropriate scriptures I would look at this little wafer and usually notice that the one I had gotten was deformed or broken in some way. And I would take the little cup and I would look at it and note how pale it was and speculate on what kind of juice it was. Now, in all honesty I was contemplating the sins in my life and thanking God for His eternal mercy and grace.

This Sunday though was differant. The ushers at CrossPointe passed out both at the same time. As I looked at the wafer and the juice I observed two things:
1. The wafer (body) was perfect. It was even colored, no chips, cracks or any other imperfections. Even the little seams on the sides were perfect. It had integrity.
2. The juice (blood) was a dark color. So shiny and clean that it made a deep pool in a shallow cup.

As I took the Wafer into my mouth and drank the juice I had an encounter with God that I will not soon forget and I pray that the effects of it will leave me practically changed forever.

I took the perfect body of the Christ into my life and with my will I ground and destroyed it. It left my mouth gummy and bitter. There was no pleasure in the taste or texture. I then took the blood, the deep dark blood and poured it into the very place that had just destroyed the body of the Christ. The blood was sweet and cleansing. It entered every part and removed all bitterness, all gummyness, all evidence of what I had destroyed.

The last 4 years of my life flowed over me. I took the life of the Christ and with my sinful will destroyed and broke it. I ground the perfection from it. God then shared with me reality from His perspective. The blood of that same ONE has cleansed me from all I have done. Their is no bitterness left, no gummed up places. All evidence of my sins have been removed.

My sins were horrible - abuse, neglect, hatred, manipulations, sexual sins. But as God spoke over my life Sunday the blood which cleansed me is sweeter than the sins were horrible.

Thinking About Fish

Today I woke up thinking about Jonah – well more specifically about the fish. I did this because when God woke me up today He seemed to ask me a question: “Shane, when did I make that fish and why?”

To be honest my first response (really just trying to give an answer so I could go back to sleep until it was closer to church time) was a typical “Well you made it then for the purpose of swallowing Jonah and keeping him there until he broke.” The question was answered well enough for most men so I closed my eyes but could not let that “pat” and incorrect answer be mine – God woke me up to teach me not quiz me to find out if Shane knew his bible

For some reason I had always “thought” that the fish was made (created) at that time or maybe just early enough to grow big enough to do its job– but I could not reconcile the six days of creative work that had closed with a seventh day of rest – a Sabbath. And the fish had a greater purpose than to just carry Jonah

The KJV uses the word prepared in speaking of that great fish. In fact God specifically uses that word for four distinct things:A fish, a gourd, a worm, and a vehement east wind.

Jon 1:17 Now the LORD had prepared a great fish to swallow up Jonah. And Jonah was in the belly of the fish three days and three nights.

Jon 2:1 Then Jonah prayed unto the LORD his God out of the fish's belly,

So here I am at my laptop with Jonah opened on e-sword, and my heart and mind opened up to this lesson from God. I noticed an amazing thing as I read this book with a fresh set of eyes and spirit. This book ends with a question. Only one other book in the bible does that. ANd all four chapters start with a powerful word: Now, Then, And, But.

So here is the summery and my application to this period of my life.

Jonah, at the time of His call to Ninevah was already an established prophet.

God so intimately knew Jonah that His plan already included a fish, two storms, a gourd, a worm, a second call to the mission, a repentant 600,000+ sinners who would repent, and a tremendous question free of rebuke.

I no longer believe in plan “B” there is one way to God, He has one plan for us. We are the ones looking for ways to be righteous or “Christian”, we are the ones trying to be disciples (we either are or we are not), we are the ones judging hearts and failures (both ours and others - isnt it a sin to judge another). We are the ones looking for second chance do-over’s. We are the ones who way to often look for a way out. But God, who is amazingly rich in grace and mercy' has one plan. I still believe in God’s plea for our separation and His desire to fellowship with us. But I more than ever firmly believe that for those who have a heart to love God that His plan is perfect and unmovable. (Think about all the sins of David- lies, manipulation, deciet, adultry, murder - and Im not just talking about Bathsheba. David had an established track record of sins that caused others great harm and loss) We cannot do anything to alter it or even rattle the plan of God it is finished. The bible says the He predestinated all He foreknew to be conformed to the image of His son. God made a decision about Nineveh – that great city. He knew they would repent. He knew Jonah would go. He prepared all things because He desired something: conformed souls.

But God, who is rich in grace and mercy, has prepared many things for my life and those He has called me into. God has all this worked out – always has had it worked out. He knew me from before the foundation of the world. He knew me when he gave me a wife, a daughter, a son, and a call. God, who is rich in grace and mercy, knows the belly of the fish, the stench of the vomit, my journey through life and the final outcome. God has already prepared all that is needed in this process of conforming me into the image of His Son. God is now enjoying the rest of a True Sabbath and I get to enjoy the great question He asked me : “ Shane, don’t you understand that I knew and know and am not worried?”

My life has included so many sins that I never imagined that I would ever commit (remembering now that with whatever judgment I hand out the same will be measured back into my life) that I cannot imagine a full restoration of anything my sin has corrupted. I never imagined a day that my brothers and sisiters in Christ would hate me, call me a manipulating wolf and directly to my face tell me that there is no way I am a child of God. That no man who knows the bible as I do could ever do the things I've done. The most common question :" Didn't you ever struggle with conviction?" Followed closely by "When will you repent and tell me what you have done?" I do not judge those who are and have judged me - 4 months ago I would have cast stones with them. I pray for them because judgement always returns to the judge. I passed those very same judgements on others and it is a spiritual law that it will return to me. I now know the hurt that I saw in their eyes as they were overtaken saints and not wolves. Vaughn I am so sorry for the cuts I placed so deeply in your soul. I confess that I judged you and I am sorry. I did not realize that not only did I judge you but I judged God's word and refused to believe it. How can I call a saint a wolf when I cannot see the heart. And actions are not the heart. We know the heart of all men is wickedly evil above anything else so we should expect sin and be ready to restore - kinda like army medics in a war. Not to drill about what the shot private should have done but to call the wounded by name (doesn't Christ do that?), to encourage them with hope (another Jesus thing), and to give them all the attention they need to survive and thrive (WWJD?). My responsibilty has never been to judge but simply to love and restore - judgement is not required to restore. I think we judge when we lack the grace to forgive without the details. I was so caught up in pushing towards victory and chasing a God that I thought was always moving forward with or with me that I judged others while doing the same thing - sin.

God has taught me the death of judgement and the death it deals to others. God did not judge Jonah - He made preperations. God has made them for me and others. I praise His name for fishes, storms, lot casting sailors, gourds, worms. and winds. Through these God is conforming me. Through these I have been given the gift and grace of repentance from a judgemental spirit

This has been a tough week as I have worked on my essay for Trek. Please continue to pray for all effected by this.