Accountable to Accountability

I have learned so much in the last 18 months. Yes it has been 18 months since I began the process of learning to walk in full transparency. Haven't arrived, haven't met ANYONE who is. Yet some do strive to the mark.
Fortunately I have learned as God has revealed my narrow minded religion and legalistic views of most things. When I moved in with my friend Patrick he told me I was holding onto a lot of legalism. Now Patrick is what many would consider charismatic so I assumed he was speaking about spiritual gifts and our "differances of biblical interpretation". Since I could not agree with him that I was legalistic I defended peoples right to dress casually at church, wear long hair, and have tattoos (even got one while living there). Of course he said I was missing it, but to be patient because God would reveal these areas to me.
He was right.
To name a few: love, grace, accountability, discipleship, service to the Lord, who is wicked and who is righteous, and the list goes on.
I thought I knew so much a couple of years ago. God revealed that my intellectual knowledge of scripture, ability to quote a few verses, an understanding of the discipleship process (or so I thought), and the other things were just shallow. I mean shallow. I MEAN SHALLOW. So shallow that I have had to ask forgiveness for a lot of things and pray for other people stuck in that same situation. I thought I had a handle on ministry - thought I knew what it was.
Example: Recently some Christian friends of mine went to visit a "fallen" brother in rehab and without anything to really talk about asked him this question: "So what are you reading??" I would have asked that once before..... Now my heart is heavy over those very things and I wonder "Is that ministry??" We go to a "fallen" brother and all we can ask this one who is in the battle to overcome an addiction is "So, what are you reading??" I wonder if Jesus ever asked the harlots "So, what scroll are you reading from???"
Just don't see that as ministry. I have learned that ministry is restoring sight to the blind, setting captives free, giving hope to the hopeless, preaching the GREAT love of God. Encouragement is simple - love people as they are - no if/then requirements (those really turn my stomach, prayed for forgiveness for a lot of those!!!), share with them the vision of God for the redeemed - for THEM. Then offering ourselves as a partner to that person - a servant in reality.
To learn about ministry I have had to learn true accountability. By that I mean we are accountable to those we hold accountable. The pendulum swings wild on this. I have seen places with no accountability and souls wallow overcome in sin longer than they would have to (or so I think, God knows), and have had the displeasure of seeing it become lordship (prayed for forgiveness for that too because of my abuse of accountability).
I recently attended a service at a small cowboy church and received the greatest message and illustration on accountability that just blew me away. To sum it up the pastor got out clippers and cut the shaggy hair that was touching his ears - the problems he knew about "the problems he could feel (sense)" he looked plain bad like that - a really wide Mohawk. Then he began talking about the pictures of God's word as a mirror. He "saw" how bad he looked in that mirror (held a real one on his bible) and saw that though he got what he knew was wrong in his first effort their remained much he did not know was wrong, With the aid of the mirror he was able to cut off all he could SEE. This left him burred down on the front, top and sides. All he could see. Couldn't see the back so he didn't know to cut it. He looked really wild now. Next he took us to these verses:
Ecc 4:9 Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their efforts.
Ecc 4:10 For if either falls, his companion can lift him up; but pity the one who falls without another to lift him up.
Ecc 4:11 Also, if two lie down together, they can keep warm; but how can one person alone keep warm?
Ecc 4:12 And if somebody overpowers one person, two can resist him. A cord of three strands is not easily broken.
As he shared these verses he called his wife up, sat down in front of her, and passing the clippers to her allowed her to do what he could not - work on the mess he could not see. Not only did she clip the back he had not touched she fixed up the parts he tried to do all alone.
Accountability is lovingly helping others do what they CANNOT do for themselves.
She did not demand the right to fix anything because of the mess he had made, never promoted herself, never demanded the right to because of relationship. She simply came when called, he looked better because of it. She never opened her mouth to tell him he was crazy for doing what he needed her for, she never complained, nor did she ask for anything in return. No promises to do better were given by him, none were required by her.
Many said and continue to say that I fled accountability. That instead of coming clean to them I chose to run and will remain outside of God's will until they believe my repentance and forgive me. I am wrong until they get right????
What I sought was true accountability and have found it. God has surrounded me with men who know me and ALL my sins against God, know themselves, and we have partnered together to do for the one what the other cannot.
God has blessed me with accountability and He uses it greatly in my life. He has this for all of us. If you are struggling with sins and hurts that you seem hopeless to overcome and receive true repentance from the Lord for PLEASE do not give up. Seek the Lord continually and stay humble. If you could overcome it alone you wouldnt be overcome by it would you? God will bless the humble, repentance is a gift from God, not something you can do on your own. God will give it to you - that is His desire. Seek accountablity. Seek love. Seek the Lord, His righteousness and His kingdom.

My heart breaks for those with no true accountability, and for those administering wrong accountability. As it says in those verses we need someone to care for us in times of trouble, defend us from the enemies, minister to us in the deep cold nights of addictions, and give their strenght to make us stronger.
We do not need demands, ultimatums, or to be forgotten and neglected.
We do not need to be asked questions about our curent reading selections, or the lesson we have learned from our sinful desires, or to be forced into detailed accounts of the sins.
We need people to love us completly, answer our calls, return our emails, and come along side us. We do not need put out, put down, or put away.
We need prayed for, held, up, and spoke to.

I have repented of the terrible accountability practices I engaged in and propogated in legalistic foolishness. I blew it, I hurt people, I sinned against God.
I am encouraged as God uses my testimony to help others come into true transparency and begin seeing the light of acoountablity.

Accountability has changed my life - it will change yours also.

Growing in Grace,
Shane

Grace is amazing - beyond our comprehension. We seldom receive real grace from others and even less often give it. We humans operate in sinful ways that usually makes it impossible for us to totally and completely give grace to others though we demand it for ourselves. I hate to admit it but I can be selfish. I can be egotistical, demanding, petty, controlling.... ok you get the picture.
Rom 7:18 For I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh. For the desire to do what is good is with me, but there is no ability to do it.
Rom 7:19 For I do not do the good that I want to do, but I practice the evil that I do not want to do.
Even when I do good to others often their is a root of selfishness. Sometimes I want others to see me and say "Wow, now thats a great guy!" or for that feeling of self gratification that leads me to say "Wow, you really area great guy!!!" And here is the amazing thing - God always tells me the root of my motives - is it grace or self when I give others what they do not deserve. What would our lives be like if God had no grace. If He forgave us and blessed us based of our own merits - what we deserve???
Allow my to ask the question directly to you: How would your life be differant if you never received grace from God? Allow my to explain a little about Grace before you answer that question. Grace is so often confused with mercy that most of us do not know the real meaning of it or how it works and impacts our everyday life.
Mercy defined very simply is not getting what you DESERVE. An illustration: You go to court and plead guilty to the crime you are accused of then beg for mercy because the punishment is greater than you can handle. So because of your honesty and sincere pleading the judge says "I agree that you are guilty and the law says that you deserve 5 to 50 years in prison for your crime. However I will show mercy to you and sentence you to only 5 years." Now that is mercy. That just judge could have sent you to prison for 50 years, but he did not. He excercised his right as a fair judge and gave you the minimum that he could and be just to the law and the people he swore to serve as judge. He had to give you something and mercy moved him to give you the minimum.
Grace operates differantly. Grace is simple: You get what you do not deserve. Another way to think of it is "Unmerited favor".So to illustrate grace: It is the first of the month and the rent is due. You partied all month and blew the rent money. The landlord comes over to collect and you have to tell him you cant pay. So you offer to pay $100 a week every week to make up the rent money if he will just let you stay. The landlord says "I did that once when I was your age - partied up all my money. You know what, dont worry about it - you dont have to pay any rent for last month." You asked for mercy - "let me pay it out". It was a plea for mercy because you knew he could kick you out. What you received was grace. He said " Dont worry about it". The lanlord could have and maybe should have kicked you out. A mercyful landlord would have let you pay it out. But this landlord had grace - he let you stay and forgot the rent you owed him. He just let you make it.
We see the same thing in the story of the prodigal son in the Bible. The son demanded his inheritence, blew off a cultural and moral responcibility to his father, partied it up, almost starved - then went crawling back hoping for mercy and a job as a slave. The father saw the son, ran to meet him and gave him grace - he restored the son to his place as a son. No prabationary period, no "This is the last time" speeches, no cold shoulder of disapproval and rejection. None of the things we do to each other other. The father knew this was going to happen. He didnt hope his son would mess up, but experience told him that his son would.

So..... Your life with out God's grace would look like this:
No hope because the Soveriegn God does nothing to help you out of the trouble your lies and game playing gets you into. Also no jobs you didnt really deserve on your own abilities and each time you messed around at work you got caught and fired. No God to give you the peace and hope you need to move on with your life when trajedy happens. You remeber trajedy... The day you lost a love one to death, or the day you received a diagnosis that changed your life, the day your friends lie to you, how about the day your family rejected you because of your bad choices. And then at the end of this amazingly terrible life - at the end of it all God sends you to hell because you get what you deserve. The bible says the wages (payment) for sin is death (total seperation). Our sins seperated us from God, and will seperate us from the people and things we love. The wage is always death - it is a law (rule). God can forgive us of our sins because in His unmerited favor - grace. He sent His Son to live the life we couldn't, to pay the debt of death that was too much for us to pay, and to give us eternal life with Him that we do not deserve. I hope that you have received this grace by putting your entire faith (belief that leads to your surrender) in Him. His grace keeps us going everyday. Everyday God gives us the things we dont deserve: Love, friends, jobs, and forgiveness from others when we absolutly blow it. The bible says that where sin abounds grace abounds much more. When you do wrong to others (your boss, your friend, your family) isnt grace what you need? A new start where that mistake doesnt remove the people you love?? And how about the grace the lady received when she touched the hem of Jesus' garment - He called it power. It chabged her life.
Do you give the grace that God gave you?? Are you holding a grudge for something done to you?? Have you gone so far as to turn your back on someone because of how they treated you or something they did to you??? Does God hold grudges and kick you out because you sin against Him?? Absolutly not. Giving grace does not mean that what has happened is OK, or that it didnt hurt you, or that you deserved it. It means that you choose to give what the person does not deserve.

I have sooo much to learn about Grace and how to really give it as God continually gives it to me. I want to be a grace fountain. God has given me a beautiful lady of grace. She knows my past but gave grace (she doesnt judge me by it) and gives grace everyday even in the midst of all the selfcentered stuff I mentioned above. Stephanie teaches me everyday about the grace of God.
I hope you will join me in the power of God's amazing grace. If you have refused to give grace (as I find I have and do) to someone in your life that you will confess that sin to God (it is a sin to judge others and refuse forgiveness) and as soon as possible give them the gift of grace by forgiving them and starting fresh. You may believe they deserve to get the boot, but dont we all sometimes and Praise God He doesnt boot us out and praise God for people who love us dont either.

The simplicity of the experience

Last night Pastor Charles taught the third reality of Experiencing God in the evening service. It was so awesome because the morning service was focused on spiritual maturity, and the over whelming lack of it.
The key to growth is exposure to God.
This is what God said to me:
"Not in simple bible reading, robot service, or rote prayers will you find me. Just in the simple exposure to Me."
Does that phrase sound as odd to you as it once did to me – Just in the simple exposure to God Now please do not get me wrong – I am not trying to say or even imply that encounters with God are small things. They really are God sized. I believe that they are all God sized.


A major teaching that God has been working into my life is that I have overcomplicated my relationship with Him. Paul speaks of the simplicity of the Gospel. It is not tough. The relationship that ensues should be no tougher. Galatians 2:20, 21 have become something very special to me. I am focused on these verses because within them are two of the keys that I missed.
1. The power to live is based on the Faith of the Son of God. I am coming to understand that my union with Christ is so strong that it is HIS faith that provides all things – not simply my faith IN Him.
One evening a few months back as I was pouring my fears out to Patrick Estrada and sharing with him my lack of faith in God to still care about me and have plans for me; Patrick physically came along beside me and told me that it was ok because he would stand in the gap that I felt. That is a brother. God used that to encourage me – it was a building block to a greater truth that I lacked maturity to live in.
Here is that greater truth: There is no gap.
Intellectually I knew that, but experientially I am just now coming into. The major obstacle was shame. I always told myself that I was stronger than this sin, and better than that attitude. Perhaps you can identify with that. My continual failure brought deeper shame. It was a never ending cycle. Notice I said that it was. Past tense was. The sin was repented of in late January; the shame lingered with amazing power. Shame caused me to believe that Jesus had lost faith in me. And the lion devoured my bowels.

2. In verse 21 Paul says “I do not frustrate the grace of God…”
God says to me “Shane, do not complicate and twist up my simple grace.” I had spent an entire decade not relying on the faith of the Son of God. 10 years tying myself and my relationship with God into knots of shame, helplessness, despair, and sin. Knots tied with extreme self effort tied from behind a mask.

Here is my conclusion: The key to victory is exposure to God in all humility and need; accepting His Faith in my place, and allowing Him to untie the knots of our relationship. And it will not take Him long – He knew every one I would tie.

As I wrote that conclusion I thought of this – Sure does sound a lot like the first three weeks of Celebrate Recovery.

My encouragement to you as you read this: God does provide all you need to recover from your addictions and hurts.


Rom 5:9 Much more then, being now justified by his blood, we shall be saved from wrath through him.
Rom 5:10 For if, when we were enemies, we were reconciled to God by the death of his Son, much more, being reconciled, we shall be saved by his life.
Rom 5:11 And not only so, but we also joy in God through our Lord Jesus Christ, by whom we have now received the atonement.
Rom 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned:
Rom 5:13 (For until the law sin was in the world: but sin is not imputed when there is no law.
Rom 5:14 Nevertheless death reigned from Adam to Moses, even over them that had not sinned after the similitude of Adam's transgression, who is the figure of him that was to come.
Rom 5:15 But not as the offense, so also is the free gift. For if through the offense of one many be dead, much more the grace of God, and the gift by grace, which is by one man, Jesus Christ, hath abounded unto many.
Rom 5:16 And not as it was by one that sinned, so is the gift: for the judgment was by one to condemnation, but the free gift is of many offenses unto justification.
Rom 5:17 For if by one man's offense death reigned by one; much more they which receive abundance of grace and of the gift of righteousness shall reign in life by one, Jesus Christ.)
Rom 5:18 Therefore as by the offense of one judgment came upon all men to condemnation; even so by the righteousness of one the free gift came upon all men unto justification of life.
Rom 5:19 For as by one man's disobedience many were made sinners, so by the obedience of one shall many be made righteous.
Rom 5:20 Moreover the law entered, that the offense might abound. But where sin abounded, grace did much more abound:
Rom 5:21 That as sin hath reigned unto death, even so might grace reign through righteousness unto eternal life by Jesus Christ our Lord.

The father of two brothers

This is something I have been focusing on to avoid the deep pit of depression I am slipping into. The love of the Father is amazing to me. I did not earn it, can not maintain it, cannot increase it. I cannot do anything with it but try to accept it. Some days I still run from Him as I cry "unclean", but some days I accept it. I pray to someday embrace and enjoy it. I will be empty and prone to depression until I do. Please pray for me in this area.
These are my thoughts submitted for your consideration with hopes that you can find encouragement as I do in the knowledge of the Father's true love. It is a love that is not only unconditional it is offered freely with no expectations or requirements.

My mind has been quite distracted these last few weeks – I feel and know that a bout of depression is upon me once again. And once again I see the mistakes I have made over the last few weeks that have led me to this place. I so wish that I could not make the choices that lead me here – I still have so far to go!!! I still do the things I hate (find companionship and hope outside of God) and struggle to do the things I desire (seek God and embrace Him fully).

The story of the prodigal son has been heavy on me. Not so much that I am a prodigal son, which I will detail in this episode, but on love of the Father. It is this story that I have been holding onto the last few weeks. I would like to “put to paper” some of my thoughts. As always feel free to correct me or to expound on some thoughts I am having.
A look at the three characters:
The younger son : This is the one we most quickly identify with as we look at our own lives. From the details we read into the parable this was no poor family – most likely a well off family. Servants, rings, robes, fat calves. So I see a young son who for some reason not detailed in this parable, and thus unimportant (and probably harmful for us to know as we would exclude ourselves if our life issues are different), has come to a self centered choice. We usually assume he was a greedy spoiled son, but this does not necessarily fit into the reality of the culture and family structure of the times. So I choose to offer understanding and say “It happens to us all.”
In reading articles on Jewish traditions the inheritance could be given at any time, but the requirement was that the heirs would then provide the care of the father. So not only did this son choose to spend his money on sin, he also made a conscience choice to abandon his Father’s future needs. A look into his sins reveals that his choice of prostitutes and “riotous living” also declares his lack of respect for the family and the honor of the father. And of course his occupation becomes “pig slopper” and we know the significance of caring for an animal that was unclean to the highest level. Kind of like “The sin of all sins.” The one we will never stoop to. And not only does he do this we first see that he “joins” himself to a man of that country. I see this as the time when he gives himself over to his new lifestyle and the consequences of his actions. At the lowest possible place we find in this younger son’s life we see him starving (willing to eat the pigs food) he sees that he would be better off if his father would allow him to become a servant. As I look at this thought I see an understanding of the son’s sense of the father’s heart. He believed that the father would offer him a place as a servant if he would humble himself and of course offer the right confession. So he heads home, not so much out of repentance from sins, but out of desperation. As I meditate on this story I see the younger son as a “fallen” brother – the one who is truly overtaken by sin.

The elder son: This is the guy who believes that he is keeping the faith, fighting the good fight, running the race with patience, etc…. This son received his portion and stayed. So we assume that he had a good heart – a heart that respected and loved the father. A son who sacrificed his own desires (all humans have aspirations and desires) and stayed by the stuff. Got the blessing and went back to the fields. (I am not trying to judge this brother just look at his heart and see how much I used to be JUST like him.) However the parable reveals sin in this “good” son’s heart. His sin is as evil as the younger son’s and just as common. What is this evil that compares to having sex with prostitutes and running away from obligations?? Hate and disrespect. The older had hatred in his heart for his younger brother. We do not see even glimmer of concern for his brother or rejoicing that he had returned home. We see anger at what the son had done. No understanding, no sympathy, and most certainly no empathy. The sin runs deep – we see jealously and anger for what the younger received after sin that the older never received during obedience. W see a flat out refusal to rejoice when the younger came home. Even with hate and anger he is not done sinning yet – he dishonors the father by refusing to go into the party. The father was forced to go to him and reason with him during his sin. This older son reminds me of Christians who refuse to see their own sin and refuse to rejoice when the overtaken return home. The modern day “good Christian”.

The Father: Now this is the guy I am trying to focus on during my healing. This is the purpose of my writing – an exploration into the heart of the Father. I deal with being a prodigal, fear the elder, but desire to be received by the father. This is an amazing man. When asked by the younger son for his portion the father simply gives it – all he had coming. He does not ask why, negotiate, and certainly does not remind him of his obligations as a member of the family and heir. Not a sermon or lecture at all during any conversation between the younger son and the father. I believe that if there was one we would have a record of it. Even a plea or warning is not recorded. Do you see it with me?? The focus was not on the demands of the law or expectations of the father, but in the return of the son. Sometimes the father knows and allows what we need to empty ourselves and grow. He gives the inheritance and waits. The father would have known the heart of the son and knew what was going to happen with the money – he knew the sins before they were committed. He just did not focus on them. He even referred to the younger as the one who had been dead. He knew, but love did not rebuke - it received. Where did the father wait?? We do not really know, but we know the he positioned himself to see the return. Now this next thought is simply something I hold onto: It is the image of the cross on the hill – positioned high above everything else. Some would say (and probably historically accurate) that the position was to allow the condemned to be seen. But I see the position as the place where the Christ could see those he was redeeming. From that vantage He could see me. Back to the father… His next move is amazing – he hiked up his robes and ran to his son. Does this seem the appropriate action of a father who had been "abandoned" and who watched the "family name" he had worked hard to build and /or preserve shamed by a lust filled man - his son?? And this further amazes me: He did not wait for the confession, he did not wait to see why the son came – he saw him coming and he ran falling on his son’s neck with a full embrace of love and acceptance. All that mattered had just happened – the son came home – the one that was dead was now alive. The other place we see this phrase is with Joseph and his brother’s. We do not see in the father what we expect from one another and believe that God requires before he will embrace us as His children. The father does not say " So you have returned - are you ready to confess your sins against the family and me?" We do not see an inkling of hesitation in the father - -no proving time, no "I'll have to talk to the family about this.". The son’s confession was lost in the joy of the father. Was it even needed?? I say not for the father, just for the son to empty himself. The father’s decision was made in love – he was just waiting on the son to come and receive it. The reception was occurring either way, now the son could enjoy it. The father knew the son's heart because the son did return. It is not in the "staying in obedience" but in the return of the heart. I do not believe the son's heart ever left the father - he would not have returned home if it had. He was a wild one, but a good one. The father threw a party but never lost focus on the other son – the “good” one. He went to that one also and compelled him to enter. He agreed with the elder son that he had been faithful, but still desired the son to demonstrate the greatest obedience to the family - love. He focused on the positive and tried to pass the excitement on. The father focused on the reality, not the past - The one who was dead was alive and at home! I see a father who is no respector of person's: He offered the same to both – all of himself.

A new poem

I wrote this poem today after church. It is about life before and then after an encounter with God as He spoke through the "bushes" of my choices. I have not lived the last stanze, but am trusting God for it. I am actually in the stanza that is in the bold font.

Throughout this life, across this span;
I journey through the life of a sinful man.
My hope is all gone; I need a God with a plan.
Who will give me His strength by the cross where He ran.

All around me is heartache, depression and pain
I sang songs of victory, but never believed what I sang.

I lived a life with blinders, dark as can be;
No ability to remove them – no hope to see.
But deep in my heart a message spoke out to me.
Offering the power of hope if I would only would stop to see.

Dimming images of heartache, depression and pain
Singing louder songs of victory, hoping it is true what I sang.

I have journeyed the mountains and rocky places on high
My life growing weaker, a stronger desire to die.
Shame brought me low, a life of truth turned into a lie.
Still that message of hope grew the more I would cry.

Fewer images of heartache, depression and pain
Continuing to sing songs of victory, holding onto to what others lived as they sang.

I see a bush on fire, burning bright and free
ignited by the Spirit with a message for me.
“I am that I am; what you need I will be!”
I offered excuses, fear tried to make me flee;

Now no images of heartache, depression or pain.
I am embracing the victory found in the songs that I sang.

Crucifixion Poem from February

This is a poem I wrote in mid February 2008.

Is this the pain of crucifixion that I feel ?
It hurts so much – it has to be real.
Fighting on the cross, the wood tears in my arms,
Is self so bad, did it do this much harm?
I cry so hard and fight to be free-
“I will be better – I promise to be!!”

I can see the scene as plain as can be
My Father, the Spirit, my Savior and me.
Standing by the Father I look down on the beams,
The sands of my life are not as they seem.
All were facades, ghostly images of sin,
The lives I destroyed; the places I’ve been;
The souls that I hurt, the damages done,
Though sin seemed it once, it no longer feels fun.
My “self” crying in agony – begging for grace,
My Father turning to me with hope on His face.

He spoke to me as I watched Him through tears
“This has been coming, building for years,
I feel your pain – I understand your fears.
Be easy my son – this is my grace:
Have faith in me - my love brought you to this place.
Forgiveness of sin you have felt this cross bring,
Still this cross is meant to do yet another thing.
The sin you enjoy, the death that it brings
Can only be ended when Self dies on this thing.
Fix your eyes upon me – please do not look away
I promise you son – This is your resurrection day.”

Perfect body, deep blood

Last Sunday CrossPointe celebrated communion. As I took the wafer that represents the body of our Lord and Savior, and the cup of juice that represents His blood my mind went back to the days when as a deacon at FBC I would pass out the wafers and return to the front where I would get one from the plate. As Bill would speak and read the appropriate scriptures I would look at this little wafer and usually notice that the one I had gotten was deformed or broken in some way. And I would take the little cup and I would look at it and note how pale it was and speculate on what kind of juice it was. Now, in all honesty I was contemplating the sins in my life and thanking God for His eternal mercy and grace.

This Sunday though was differant. The ushers at CrossPointe passed out both at the same time. As I looked at the wafer and the juice I observed two things:
1. The wafer (body) was perfect. It was even colored, no chips, cracks or any other imperfections. Even the little seams on the sides were perfect. It had integrity.
2. The juice (blood) was a dark color. So shiny and clean that it made a deep pool in a shallow cup.

As I took the Wafer into my mouth and drank the juice I had an encounter with God that I will not soon forget and I pray that the effects of it will leave me practically changed forever.

I took the perfect body of the Christ into my life and with my will I ground and destroyed it. It left my mouth gummy and bitter. There was no pleasure in the taste or texture. I then took the blood, the deep dark blood and poured it into the very place that had just destroyed the body of the Christ. The blood was sweet and cleansing. It entered every part and removed all bitterness, all gummyness, all evidence of what I had destroyed.

The last 4 years of my life flowed over me. I took the life of the Christ and with my sinful will destroyed and broke it. I ground the perfection from it. God then shared with me reality from His perspective. The blood of that same ONE has cleansed me from all I have done. Their is no bitterness left, no gummed up places. All evidence of my sins have been removed.

My sins were horrible - abuse, neglect, hatred, manipulations, sexual sins. But as God spoke over my life Sunday the blood which cleansed me is sweeter than the sins were horrible.